Thursday, September 30, 2010

The Female Mind: A User Manual

We had an enourmous support with polls this time around, mates. Thank you all for chipping in and making my blog that much more lovely. Alot of you leave comments that touch me and make me smile, in ways most countries would find distasteful, if not illegal in certain regions. But probably not the Vatican. (B'Dum-CHSSSH) That was a pedophile joke, followed by a sound effect. I had some complaints about my references being vague, so I'm going to try to make this post a bit easier to understand.

But what about the ladies, Daddy Kane? You promised us 72 virgins!

To be clear, that's bollocks. You've clearly been misinterpreting my words, or mistaking them for another book that you've read. I cannot get you 72 virgins, a pound of hash, or immortality in heaven. I can't help you find nirvana for any longer than 5-30 seconds depending on your use of Tantra. I can't even guarantee one virgin, without breaking a few laws, and to be perfectly honest... It would be morally apprehensible of this humble teacher of tidbits to do so. The fact that you ask makes me more than a little leery of your intent. You're suspect...

The Female Mind
A User Manual by Janus Kane

    The first thing you'll have to understand, or at least take with a grain of salt, is that all humans think alike to a certain degree. As well, all humans react alike to a certain degree, even down to how they flirt and smile. Human tribes who to this day have had limited contact with civilization, or only recent contact, still have the same mating habits and facial expressions. Every one of us shares a smile, a frown, a shocked look of disgust. We all twitch the same exact muscle groups exactly to snap-second show a facial spasm, thus conveying our stance to those around us . Why is this important, you may ask... Outloud, and seemingly in vain. By yourself. Well that's exactly why its important. Understand that we can't consciously think to smile or show dread fast enough to react to whatever is happening, and still maintain logical thought and fair control over your motor reflexes. There is alot going on in that brain of yours, check out my early blog on the subject. And because we all respond the same, you can (and probably already do in a few areas) predict and plan for reactions from people. All I'm doing here, is giving you some basics in particular with the female mind, in regards to dropping off your carry-on luggage in her rear compartment. Ladies, maybe you just want to experiment, or continue the experiments from the blurry days in college. Maybe you even just want a platonic relationship with a female, and simply dream of more. Perhaps let her vent for hours about her shitty drunk boyfriend who beats her, but she still loves him because he's really a good guy. And you might even push down the urge to remind her even good guys aren't worth the steel-toe to her ribs, because that's what friends do.

    Whatever your reasons, you have come to the right place. you don't have to be a genius, or Don fucking Juan himself to pull in the ladies. It would help if you were a genius, and help even more if you had any social skills up to this point. But for those of you who don't, worry not, these steps are easy to follow. You just need to kick yourself in the ass a bit to get into what I like to call Hero Mode?

Question One, what is Hero Time? Hero Time is not something I would say outloud, but being an anonymous figure here, I don't mind letting you into the rather child-like enthusiasm that is my internal monologue. Hero Time is when a moment in your life travels down the timeline towards your static location in time. (Visualize that... You also learned the basics of Warp Technology, in development now.) This moment has a fight or flight choice, usually quite simple. Do you jump off the waterfall? Do you man up, pull her into a savage kiss despite not getting to the hand holding stage yet, or all the way into the movie theater. Do you unzip your pants in front of a hot chicks boyfriend, stare him down, and urinate on his shoes to express your Alpha Male status. These are all examples of Hero Time that I've run into, and there are alot more. Maybe, if you've been good, you've noticed the internal arguments you have with yourself. Yes, everybody does that. We all trade rationalizations too, you smokers probably know what I'm talking about the best. That voice that's telling you to turn away from the cliff, the voice that flashes images of you inexplicably falling or slipping or losing your balance on the cliff... That's fear. Say hello, this might be the first time you've confronted him fully.

Fear drives us, and keeps us relatively safe, or at the least sheltered. But what fear doesn't do is craft leaders, adventurers, men of science and industry and circumnavigation. It doesn't make heroes. It doesn't make the Alpha Male, and it doesn't save your life in crunch time. Its a preventative measure. If you understand this, you'll begin to see uses for fear. And if preventing yourself from talking to girls is your goal, then by all means, stop reading, and pay fear some mind. Because fear is right, your probably going to get rejected. Judged, chided, ridiculed, berated, maybe even blown. Yeah, you could get blown. I said it. But all of those things, minus the oral sex, won't hurt you in the least. Bracers could cause a complication in the latter. As well as epilepsy.

Step One
Be Confident

Many people go into a situation thinking what could go wrong, how they can avoid that, what if this happens, etc... Many people strike out and crawl home to cry, thinking they aren't worth shit. And some people aren't worth shit, depending on their health and the areas inflation rate of shit.  But you aren't one of those guys, those guys don't exist to you. Your a fucking god of your own world, and nobody can tell you otherwise. People enter your world, not the other way around my friends. Not to say you shouldn't be respectful of the other Gods, but your the alpha God. You control this amazing machine that is your body and are able to excel in any area you choose to repeat over and over and over again.

You see, people respond to confidence, yourself not witheld from that group. Whether or not we like it, we all respond to key factors about somebody. An unpleasant frown, a tear brewing, a hardened brow. We respond to that, because our brain i keyed to, its why we make the expressions in the first place. Perhaps you can see the wisdom in knowing how your brain works now, the possibilities it unlocks are endless. Females in particular, in this culture especially (america for me, but it seems very much universal) respond to dominance. This can be the steel toed dominance if played right, or the more acceptable and harder to master way of the confident nice guy.

So try this, go up to a girl in a casual setting, like a bookstore or coffee shop. She should look something like this, but lonelier. Avoid bars, clubs, anywhere you wouldn't want to meet your girl. Don't think about how easy it'd be, aim for your own areas. And if clubbing is your area, I really can't help you. Go up to her and ask her about something shes doing, connect with her immediately. Plant the seed. If she has a book, know something about it and mention you had just read it. Even if its Dean Koontz. Make eye contact, smile naturally, she isn't judging you. In fact, you are judging her. Try it with strangers, stare them down with a confident smile, watch how they react. Do this, introduce yourself, make that personal, friendly connection that tells her your the only one in the room she knows.

Excuse yourself, because you suddenly have to go somewhere, or you should really sit down on account of the hot beverage you have in your hand. She probaly won't ask for you to join her, but if she does go for it and good luck, skip to step three. But more than likely...

Walk away. Always end the engagement, though not in a rude way. This is a guide for nice guys.

Step Two
The Face

At this point, your already shame free. You made a casual, noncommital entrance, and then sat nearby to enjoy your caramel mocha orange soy frappachino in a vente cup. Or in a generic styrofoam cup and crusty bagel for all you narcotics anonymous types. She'll come to you if she likes you or if shes bored, or curious. Shes probably one of the three, so make sure to look up as if you didnt know that.

It works like this, mates. Women have had a long, long history of having men prove themselves for their affection. You've probably notice how they date assholes when theyre younger, right? Assholes are confident, they also piss alot of people off. They shit all over everything, and chicks dig it. But not you my faithful friends, not you. You're confident because you know it's not the end of the world... It is in fact not a big deal at all. She'll melt away into the hazy purple gray that masks time and space away when your not holding its attention. Just another fish in the pond, no matter how thick dat ass was.

Act like it's not that big of a deal, alot for you get nervous, I'd wager a guess. It's just not necessary. Take this advice, practice on strangers somewhere where you wont be known. Make a persona  that you want to be, the perfect image of yourself. Throw in anything you want, change anything you want. Its a fictional, fantasy character. Now go out and be that person, really step into his habits. You'll find immediately that people will respond differently, and they will respond to your character, rather than you. You just figured out that people are programmed. To be true what your doing now is programming yourself. Our brains work extremely well with repetition, if you do it long enough, you become it. Accents can be learned, mannerisms can be picked up.

Excuse me, Mr. Kane? I know you hate interruptions, but wouldn't that be dishonest? No, your persona is a conflagration of past events hitting you and some genetic dispositions. But the vast majority is the world hitting you with situations you have to adapt and learn from. If you make that a part of your life, you will literally become that person. Make it a game, hell, there are games called Larping if you can stomach the 500 lbs fireball slinging guy in every crowd. Try it out on here, your anonymous anyway. But for Kane's sake, just practice it. That alone will change your life.

Step Three
The Hook

Females love sex. If they don't, they probably aren't your thing. But most do, and most think about it constantly. Most want your dick before you even walk up to them providing you put any effort into maintaining your body, hygiene, appearance... Unless you have an accent. You may sacrifice two of those three attributes if you have an accent.

Don't believe me? Check out this rather convincing pictorial to the left, or this link below.
The power of world wide information.

Keep that in mind, because now you hold the key. As I said earlier, they are very much used to being pursued  and having men prove themselves. So what we do, the confident nice guys, is use the same trick. Have a normal conversation with the girl, shes just a girl. In fact, think about other girls while you talk to her, maybe even glance at a few in the overpriced coffee joint you chose, because you like the idea of tainting the privileged with your lower class filth.  Talk about her, let her talk about you... Though she will likely talk about herself. Now, your interested, but once again, noncommittal. There's a very large ass by the counter, and some heaving sweater puppies doing toe touch stretches just outside the window. Let me stress, there are alot of options. She's entering your Domain.

Look, I hope you've met people, ask her about what she does, college the same basic shit you'd want people to know about you. College is good because you can find something to relate to there almost every time. Oh yeah, what classes? The Study of Indigenous Bottomfeeding Fish in the Atlantic Coasts? I was thinking about taking that course too, how are you liking it? The simple fact is, my friend, is that people like to talk about themselves. Because we all want to be immortal somehow. Or whatever your personal belief is, it's true regardless. Don't take my word for it, read a book!

Step Four
The Blow Jay

Now that you've successfully spoken to a girl without creaming your pants, or soiling them in public it's time to move onto the next stage. Now, again, keep in mind. All these steps should be taken with a bit of judgement depending on the girl your talking to. Remember, you are whoever you say you are, adapt and overcome. This girl likes you, it's very obvious because she is still talking to you. Her eyes have glanced at your crotch no less than 3 times a minute, go ahead and check that out for yourselves too. She wants you to whip that manmeat out so fast, it'll blow HER away. Cheesy joke, but it goes with the pic. Shes hot, bothered, and is repressed through social values to keep all that to her mysterious, thick hipped self. But right back at her, right? Offer to go somewhere, or to 'hang out at your place'. Maybe she'll say yes... And based on todays standards with premarital sex, she probably will if you haven't blown it yet. But if she doesn't, no worries, you never have to see her again unless your looking for the kind of girl who doesn't felate dudes she just met that day. Because she'll felate them all, you're a god, but not the only one ;)

When your at your place or somewhere allowing privacy, it's crunch time. Remember your practice, and saty confident. At this point, understand, she has followed you to a private location to continue the 'conversation'. This is the mating game, and its going exactly as planned. Please notice, throughout this whole process, you have the opportunity to see that she WANTS to talk to you. people like to be known, and appreciated by somebody they respect. And you can't respect something that worships you. So stay confident, and put that arm around her the moment you sit down next to her on the couch with a movie on, or whatever your down for. Your already on the final stretch, home base is right ahead, and it's in the glorious shape or an otherwise talking mouth. It's your job to fix that, in a respectful way.

As a side note, on the subject of respect, realize she's putting your penis in her mouth for an elongated period of time. This is a pretty big step if you think about it, and deserves a few words of appreciation, moans, slaps on the ass, and otherwise good natured ways of saying "Don't stop, I'm so goddam lonely." You can cry yourself to sleep another night, tonight, she dines on dick.

But Janus... That doesn't seem very nice. Well, neither does shoving a guys face into her pussy, an open wound thats hopefully well kept. In fact, nothing about sex is pretty if you think about it. That is in fact, why sex is so wonderful. Its that time when you can bask in those natural healthy chemicals that make all that not matter, and allow you to fully release. Very good for stress relief, and blue balls. So don't be afraid to get a little kinky, chances are she'll like it and like you more. If not, you really don't need to see her again anyway, if she didn't appreciate you. I mean... you already got the BJ.

For anybody looking for some simple tips, rather than a lifestyle change, I'll number them below so you can get some hoodrat bitches. Go to the club, you filthy bastard.

1. Eye contact, confident smile, approach like you know she wants you... Just don't grin all creepy like, its what mirrors are for.
2. Get in close, when your skin touches for more than a few seconds around 30 of them, you trade chemicals that last for quite some time. Get in close and grind dance, your already in the clear. In my experience, chicks grind on almost anybody at a club. They're there for a reason, and it's not to enjoy the festive environment. Unless your talking about the festive bathroom stalls with an anonymous stranger.
3. Don't be afraid, just go for it. If your not willing to make a solid change in your personality, your likely doomed to a life of monotony anyway. You aren't going to go anywhere. But worry not, you can make up for it in sheer repetition. 1 out of 4 girls will sleep with you if you ask, thats an average, not a set number for every group of people. Be logical, don't go to church... Probably.
4.Wear a condom. Seriously, your in a fucking club. Nobody wants anything you can pick up from a club. Be it an STD, alimony payment, or a stab wound... It's always good to have a condom. (See my next chapter on Improvised Weapons for more info on using a condom to thwart an attacker)

I hope all this helped mates, give me some feedback on anything more specific you'd like me to go into. Throw your own tips on here, alot of people could use them. Leave no brother behind.

A word for my female readers. I am not a sexist, and would be more than willing to write an equally one sided view from the woman's perspective. This is a guide for frustrated men or curious women, I'm a sarcastic guy. Take no offense, your my brothers too, sisters.

Actually a pretty nice guy,

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Locks, a Temporary Annoyance

It was a close one, my friend, very close indeed.  Almost had a three way tie with that last poll. No worries, my faithful followers, the topics will be there tomorrow ;)

Many of you may suffer from the unfortunate birth defect of being born into a corporeal body, and thus cannot pass through doors like the rest. This guide is for you. Another quick and easy way to make your life easier, and your enemies lives harder. Just make sure it's a real enemy, and not something I'll have to testify in court for in the future. To understand how to pick a lock, you must first understand the internal mechanisms held within that steel-clad box of security.

A lock has 3 basic parts. The plug, the shell, and the pins. The plug is where you stick your key into, its a long cylindrical tube. The plug is held within the shell, which is simply the outer part of the lock. It's also where the pins enter to lock it. There exists a place called the Shearline, and simply put., its the space between the plug and shell. Inside the tumble lie pins, usually 5 of them, but some have less or even more. the pins themselves are split into two pins, one resting ontop of the other. The goal is to raise each pin enough that the split in the pins matches the Shearline on all pins.

How do you do this? Well, you buy or make some lockpicks and a tension wrench. The Pick/s are used to  rake, scrape, bob and dip along those pins, puhing each down slowly, or raking across them at varying pressures. The tension wrench turns the plug as you do so, locking the pins that set into place one by one. So very simple to explain, but difficult to master. So let's go a bit deeper, shall we?

First thing you need is a tension wrench. This has to be a long, thin strip of steel or other strong metal, a bobby pin won't do.For a solid piece of metal already pre cut, ground, thinned, and heat treated, find the nearest car, and take their windshield wiper blade. That is, assuming the car is abandoned or yours. The metal strip behind the rubber wiper blade is strong and the perfect size, and come in a variety of widths for different sized locks. Take a wrench, and bend about a 1/4 inch from the tip into a 90 degree angle, and twist gently about half an inch down from that. Twist only a half turn. Next, put it in your pocket.

Second piece of equipment you must craft is the pick, or picks. A true locksmith might have up to 72 picks for various needs (I carry a 24 set), but we'll stick with your basic rake. The rake will be used for sliding in and out, up and down inside of the tight, quivering walls of the tumbler. This action is refered to 'raking', hence the name. For this, you'll need to grind or cut another metal strip. You only need about a 1/2 inch maybe more of pick at the tip, so lets grind it into a pattern like this.  If you're careful, you could even use metal snippers, just don't snip too hard. Wrap the base in a nice handle of your choice, and put it in your pocket.

 Now you're ready for the seemingly fun, but really actually quite annoying task of picking a lock. Insert the tension tip, and push down gently to turn the lock the proper, left direction. Insert the rake and begin to gently rock it up and down inside, moving in and out just a little bit. You should feel the lock stiffen some when a pin clicks into place, keep working those pins with trial and error until CLICK. You'll hear it, and you'll want to roar out in triumph.

But... But Daddy Kane. I can't seem to do it.Thats just fine, nancy boy, here are some other tips to consider adding to your repetoire.Make some more tips if you want, but the rake should pop anything but the trickier locks. The real trick is practicing your patience, and gently rocking motions. Fine tune that thing, and it will open unto you as a flower in spring-time. Get yourself a cheap padlock, secure it with a vice or something, and practice away. You might be surprised how quickly you catch on. As I said, easy to teach, hard to master.

Things to watch for. Many high end, expensive locks can include internal traps to confound the would be burgular. A shell might include side slots with pins in them. When the plug is twisted, the pins drop down and lock it into place once more. This blocks the 'bumping' type of intruder, a style of crude lockpicking, more so than it hurts the true lockpicker.  When you run into this, simply repick the dropped pin, easy as pie, and you dont have to line anything up.

Some locks might even have an "I" or "T" shaped top pin. This will easily turn your hardened, emotionallly bottled self into a quivering pile of tears and shattered dreams. if your not careful. It's designed to jam the lock if its being picked, flat and simple. The "T" side will drop down when you're raking with a tension wrench, notching onto the edge of the shell, and held there by the the pushing plug. You now have to recenter the plug, push the pins carefully all the way up, and gently try again, keeping the pick high to keep the pins high. The trap pin's edge is barely a milimeter in height, so theres not much room for error. This ornery bastard will take your time from you, and call you a bitch for trying.

To be clear, there are a few kinds of traps and safeguards. But they're mostly in the high end locks, found in high security areas. But this should do for a solid Beginner's Guide.

Next... The Combo Lock. This is a little easier. In fact, it's alot easier. The first step... Is to make a pick. Yup, we're going to pick the combination right off. Get a soda can, and cut off the bottom. Now, cut a 2 inch wide strip, and about 3 inches long. In the middle, cut a rounded V shape to about halfway up the width as shown, and then fold over the top to make the length thicker. Wrap the jimmy on the opening side of the padlock's U Bolt, sliding it downwards so the V tucks inside of the lock, against the U Bolt. Then just twist, it'll break the connection between the locking hook, and the recessed divit on the U Bolt. Pull down on the padlock, it'll pop right open.

Hope you enjoyed, mate, don't use this in anyway that will get me in legal trouble, please :) Feel free to vote for the next topic, my avid followers will notice a few familiar ones.


Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Improvised Weapons, Part Deux

For the record, 'How to Properly Empty your Bowels' was just one vote short of becoming a merged topic with 'Improvised Weapons'. Which would get messy. Be glad I didn't use my swing vote.

Improvised Weapons, Part Deux
A survival guide by Janus Kane

Well mates, by another swing of popular demand, you want to be ready for the coming apocalypse. Or bring it about... Which I can't publicly condone. Last we left off, you had a very carefully held shotgun shell grenade in one hand, and a wrist mounted crossbow with no less than a bag full of darts.On your chest crossed belt, you keep your vial of nicotine. With a rugged face, and hardened eyes, you press onwards out of the shattered cityscape. Hark, there in the distance... Smoke rising from the woods. It sounds like a small group of men. This situation could get hostile, and your still limited.

No worries, you passed by a fabric store on the way. Quickly, you backtrack, keeping to the back alleys and rooftops when available. Making sure to avoid any people for the time being. You creep through the roof ventilation system, and enter the abandonded store.

Ghillie Suite

1.Grab yourself some camo pants and blouse as a base, or coveralls. Its really up to you, i prefer the maneuverability of the two piece, personally.
2.snag up a bunch of burlap and dye the sheets from dark green, to medium green (depending on terrain and season, use your best judgement with colors. You're a warrior now, and wits are your life.)
3.Cut the burlap into varying strips  two to three inches in width, and half a foot, to a foot in length. Mix them up for a good, unmatching mix.
4.I' told you can just staple or sew them to the base clothing, but I'm adding three more steps.
5.The front of your pants you coat with hot glue, especially the knees. Make sure it seeps into the fabric. Now repeat that step with the front of the jacket. This is for crawling, which youll do alot of.
6.Get some loose and thin netting, about an inch wide for the holes. Sew that onto the entire back of the jacket and pants. Sew it on a little taut, and add sewing to the center and such for added stability. Wrap your arms in it now.
7.Tie the burlap strips onto the netting in a thick, overlapping, disorganized manner. You want to break apart the V silhouette underneath your arms, between your legs, knees, next to your neck, etc... You've got tons of Vs on you and they all give you away.
8. For added effect, do the same with a Boonie Hat. And wrap your firearm in the netting and burlap, making sure your scope is free from blockage. That is, if you have a firearm or scope... Which you dont.

Slowly, you stalk out of the city and towards the forestline, dropping down and crawling slowly. Making sure to do the following.

1.Keep your silhoutte away from the horizon, meaning never stand or crawl on a hilltop or ridge crest. You don't want sky or brightness behind you. If you do, the camouflage isn't registered, and your perceived as a human silhouette.
2.smear dark natural colors along your face, darker colors over the high points of your face(cheekbones, jawbone, eyebrow ridge, top of forehead), and lighter colors on the sunken in parts of the face (cheeks, eyes, chin divit,above the eyebrow ridge) You can experiment, but you want your facial features to be broken up by false shadows and stripes and blotches. Tiger strips work well too, but be sure to not make lines, smear the stripes in. The edges should blend a bit. For best effect, use waterproof camo paint at the army navy store. Make sure to get the back of the neck, ears, etc... Anything skin. Avoid straight lines like  <-- this guy, unless you're too goddam badass. But try to apply various lengths and styles of strokes based on the environment, you want to blend and break up.

3.Stay still. Or creep like molasses uphill.Seriously, ants should think you are food. The human eye naturally tracks movement.
4.Keep your form low, and practice crawling with a longarm if you have one, it's tough to lowcrawl and hold a firearm.

Now that you're invisible, you crawl through the high foliage, coming upon the small clearing where three armed men are playing cards. Two prisoners are unconscious or dead, tied to a tree. Slowly, you creep up and drop 3 drops into the cup of coffee one by a log. *crack* You break a twig, snapping the eyes of all three towards the forest line. Staring you down... And then past you, and all around. One gets up, moving to stand on the other side of the log in front of you. Flicking on a battered flashlight, he shines it into the trees, and on the ground. He shines it right over you, its all over now you tell yourself. But he instead just takes a sip of his coffee, and moves back to the game. You've got to work quick now, aiming your tiny crossbow with a prayer, you launch it 11 feet through the air with a soft twang, sticking the poisoned dart into the back of another's neck. Grabbing it with a surprised yelp, he stands up with a shout, grabbing his weapons and thus alerting his friends to do the same. But you have an ace up your well hidden sleeve, flicking the single shotgun shell straight at their feet to explode in an ear cracking bang. Not wasting a moment, you dash hard and fast to leap at the stunned, final enemy. Knees first, you break ribs as you collide, carrying him to the ground below you. With a quick jab to his throat, you sweep up his weapon and collide it down into his face again and again with grunts of exertion and determination. Your camouflaged face splattered with the once pulse-ridden corpse's life blood. You  take time to study the captives and supplies you've captured.

Whats this, a surprise! Yeah, daddy Kane didn't forget your needs. Amid the supplies you find a big glass jug, two gallons of gasoline, and a snake bite kit.

1.Put in a few drops of Gasoline, cap it, and swish it around gently to coat the inside of the jug until it evaporates.
2.Add a few drops of Potassium Permanganate from the snake-bite kit.
3.Throw it... Very far. Use a big ass ground mounted slingshot if you need to, it packs about half a stick of dynamite.
4.After you throw it, gravity should do the rest. It explodes upon breaking.

Stick around, and I'll teach you all about Astrolite, Plastique, Thermite, Solidox, and Fertilizer Bombs. Hope you enjoyed, don't do any of this, etc...


Monday, September 27, 2010

How to Kill a Charging Man with a Cup of Tea

If you haven't noticed yet, the top left of my blog has a poll. :) Updated every time I make a new post, daily. Just pick the subject you want me to go into, and my mind will do the rest. If you don't actually read my posts, I suppose you wouldn't even see this far. Those of you who made it past three sentences, give me your suggestions ;) I'm all about my readers.

Improvised Weapons
A survival guide by Janus Kane

So you've decided not to lay down and take it, when flesh hungry undead are clawing at your hopefully tear-proof clothing. OR when commies invade our soil, and have to defend ourselves against Country X, Terrorist X, Monster X... Whatever. Well Daddy Kane is here to make sure everyone of you has at least a mediocre chance to survive in an otherwise life-altering environment.

So you've got some shotgun shells? Yeah, I bet you do. You've got all that powerhouse ammo, and not a single shotgun to your post-apocalyptic name. Which is probably going to be something really cheesy, like Striker, or Shadowblaster. I can't wait for the information generation to hit post apocalyptia.... You are in luck.

Take the shell, some tape, and a saltine. Now find yourself a thumbtack from the nearest Betty Grable poster, or whatever you kids stroke off to nowadays. Place the saltine upon the back of the shell, the metal side. This will prevent your fingers from exploding, an unfortunate side effect of discharging shotgun shells in your hand. Secure the crackery treat with the tape, to the shotgun shell back. Now, ever so gently, place the tip of the thumbtack through the saltine. Don't you fucking push hard, its just a saltine, and doesn't deserve what you're about to do to it. So don't be a jackass, to your hand, and to the cracker. Tape the tack GENTLY into place. You now have a grenade.

Oh, you don't want grenades? Double up on saltines, or triple, until the tack spike is completely hidden by cracker layer. Tape it under a newly loosened floorboard, behind a door jam, or to your forehead to really surprise your foes.

You want a grenade launcher? Well get a bow, and arrow. Aluminum arrows, please. Empty out the shot from the shell, keeping the saltine cracker and tack in place of course. (look, it doesn't have to be a saltine, but they work great for snacking as well.) Now ditch the arrowhead, its purpose has been outlived. Fill up that hollow aluminum arrow shaft with fine grade black powder, OOOO grade if possible. Though anyhting that explodes will work, I guess. Put the shaft, into the shelltube (smirk) and tape or glue it into place. Boom, explosive arrow frag grenades.

Let me guess, your on the third stage, and you don't have shotgun shells yet. You probably missed the secret area. Thats just fine, the apocalypse has a place for you as well. All you have is say... An office supply store. Janus, how do I make a crossbow? Many of you have emailed me with this query, and I have just the thing for you.

Get two pencils, number 2 or otherwise, and put them next to each other. Tape them together, leaving an inch on both ends for the rubber band. Now do it again, and tape them together into a roughly vertical cross shape. Next step, is to get a bunch of pens. Take on of those pens, and discard everything but the ink tube, and the outer plastic shell. Take that outer tube, and tape it along the cross' vertical length on top. Those inktubes are going to be ammo, so get all you can and heat/seal the writing tip off. There will be some sticky stuff inside the back of the inktube, place a pin in there. The goo will hold it. Tape that in. Grab one or more rubber bands and stretch them across the horizontal length of the cross, fitting them between the pencils. Tape the ends up to keep it in place. Now tape the center of the bands together and form some kind of inktube holder. Now the important part, wrap a rubberband BENEATH the plastic outer tube, and ABOVE the pencils. This will add elevation for proper firing. All thats left is to put in a pin arrow, stretch it back, and implant into the nearest hostile, unarmored source with a bloodstream.

Wait, Janus! But a pin won't kill anybody, and all I have is this can of chewing tobacco and/or dip. Well thats fine, if you can make sun tea on your porch, you can make a deadly psychedelic poison. There are alot of ways to do this, and they all suck. You'll get unpure nicotine, and you'll just end up making your attacker feel less stressed. And in the mood for a cigarette, which he will smoke after he is done raping and skinning your body. (In the wasteland, you waste nothing of your kill, clearly.)

Take as much of the stomach wrenching glob of tobacco as you can, and throw it into a big jar.. Pour in water, just enough to cover up the plant feces. Let that sit in the sun for a good week, longer makes a better poison. Alternatively, you could simmer it until the waters gone, but it wont be as potent. After the week, drain it through a cloth of some kind into a clean, empty, seal-able, and liquid safe container (which will be everywhere in the wasteland, I'm sure) Squeeze that cloth until all the tobacco juice is wrung out, and toss both the rag and tobacco wad. Leave the container in the sun again for a day, and you SHOULD find yourself a thick black goo. If you didn't, you used nicotine free dip, and you must start over again. Put the goo in something that would look badass as a poison container.

Now either throw two or three drops into their food, drink, sex jelly, whatever works for the enemy that is charging at you. Offer him the cup of tea, and wait for him to have a psychedelic high, followed by heart failure. You could also dip your hand crossbow darts into it... But that wouldn't be classy, sir.

Don't do any of this. It's in no way illegal, but don't do it.

...Don't do it.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Forever Upon a Time

We all see it. We see the age grow slowly in our loved ones face, destroying their body and collapsing their wit. We've seen paint peel, shells turn to sand, hell we even invented the watch. And it's always been assumed that time only goes in one direction. But imagine existence without time, or without space. Send your mind with me up and out of the three dimensions we relate to. In fact, before we do that, let's discuss the Flat Man.

The Flat Man is an idea that a 2 dimensional man would live in a likewise 2 dimensional world. Imagine this as a long strip of paper, with no real thickness. Just a length, and a width. Place the Flatman upon this strip of paper, if you will. Now, hypothetically, to introduce a flatman to a third dimension, you would twist the stirp and connect the ends. Making whats referred to as a Mobius Strip, depicted on the left. The flat man travels along his world, from one side of the paper... To the other... And then back to his original starting point. He only ever went straight ahead, but because he could not see how the third dimension twisted and writhed, he ended up doing a full circle. Now, imagine the flatman is in fact, a round man. You just discovered time. 

Awhile ago, astronomers discovered something that made us all look a little smaller. Hell, it made us rethink the word insignificant. If you look up right now, you'll probably see stars. If not, move out of Croatia ( :D You're my favorite fan, fyi) and find a timezone thats dark. Those stars up there, 99 percent of them are galaxys, not suns or solar systems. those dots... Contain hundreds, up to trillions of stars each. Fuck you christianity. To truly appreciate the depth behind this, I want you to look at the difference between a smalltime local street musician spending time with his fans, and then go see Metallica and ask for a signature during one of their suspiciously similar songs. Any of them will do.

Time, in past theories, has been a series of cards stacked together, with a blueprint of the universe on each one. When you flip through them, you get time. We believe currently that gravity wells change how fast time flows... To understand this modern theory. Find a tarp(not a typo), and stretch it out tight. Now throw a basketball in the center, and watch it sink.  If you can imagine doing that on a 3-d blanket, you'd get the idea. Well, there's nothing saying that's true, it's accepted.The fact is, we aren't even sure if the expanding universe model is even close to right. Its simply well ahead of us. but heres something to ponder.

The universe is moving all at once, to assume a chain of events in the theory of 'timeslices', one after another, it would assume there was a set state of the universe at any given point. 'Timeflow' is a theory where the folds of time are more like a wave format, twisting and curling about itself. Where rather than the past creating the future, the present shapes the future, and records the past. Interesting... Let's go deeper.

Follow me on a journey, briefly, to a place where time is one object, and our universe is contained therin. In all its glory, from birth to decay, a pulsating, swirling mass of energy. It begins, it pulses up, and dies away. Now we jump to the fifth dimension... I need you to stick with me here. Let your minds free, it may get tricky. I suggest Master Kush. The fifth dimension is a place populated by these self contained universe cycles, in the form of hypothetical time bubbles. What that looks like... Hell if I know. But you've seen the Neverending Story, right? Your universe, is the book. And it will look like those fucking memory balls from the second one. Just roll with it. These pulsing puffs of light form something else, ever moving in its own unique way to form... Whatever. I'm a firm believer in the illusion of free will, and the existence of cause and effect. If you get good enough at any sport, social structure, business or the like, you'll find yourself thinking well ahead of the actual events that are playing out. Its all probability, but it serves the purpose here. I typed this out because of decisions I made in my life, leading up to this. Keeping in mind, that everything we do can be thought of as happening at once. We're the self-aware probes of the universe, growing up from the bits of elements that we're composed of. The trillions of lifeforms that work together in our body to push our probe(snicker) into the future, and give the universe self awareness. (Very deep, I know) This universe, which is just one bit of information in a larger construct of time, within the fifth. The sixth, is as you can imagine.

Now we reverse completely, stop looking at the bigger, and start looking at the tiniest details. Look at a cell, and the colony that thrives within that. Look at the cell itself, and the tiny bits that make it up. Look at the atoms, and the quarks within that. Watch your detail get fuzzier and fuzzier, and more and more alike as you look at smaller scales. Now quick, 1665, you meet a man named Robert Hooke who tells you that everything is made of cells, tiny particles that make up living matter... Well, he tells you about cork's cells.  You hit up the hip age of 1830, there at a a frock and gown party you meet Franz Meyen, who informs you that each cell forms an independant, isolated whole that it nourishes and builds up. Something from Parasite Eve reminds you that Mytochondria migrated into our cells, and weren't orignally part of cellular life's structure until it needed the powerhouse energy makers. you get all of this, and then atomic physics hit. Oh, those metropolises of birth and death are made up of tiny particles too.

Before it wears off, zoom out of your mental telescope as fast as you can, from the sixth dimension and back... Go past time bubbles, galaxies that make a trillion stars look like a chump,. Past blackholes and asteroid seas, slamming through the mist that hands around our solar system, stopping our broadcasts from ever leaving our little sphere of Sol's gravity well. Blast past the planets and through ozone, hit the roof of your house and slam into your chair. But this time dont stop at our level, let your mind shoot back and absorb life on all scales, as one entity pulsing and forming itself. Folding in on itself, the tiny particle inside of you holding countless universes, all working together to push your body 'forward'. Think about that...

Welcome to my world. Welcome to insanity.

Friday, September 24, 2010

And onto the Children of Information was bestowed a New Age.

There's often alot of heated talk about philosophical differences. And by heated talk, I mean millenia old religious wars wrecking destruction across our goddam planet. We don't just sell livable planets in bulk, you know. Not even on And like many of you learned gentlemen and gentle ladykind, I have deeply opposed the idea that 'Father knows best.' Yes, father's do know best, when they have evidence of any kind to back it up. We as kids know this is a silly idea when they explain it to us the first time. We might have giggled, or squinted real hard, you were probably a little confused. Now theres invisible people tracking our movements, and judging our actions? And nobody knows what rules to follow? We didn't like it then, because no matter how hard you prayed or sang to a god/pantheon, nothing happened. Cause and effect just kinda broke. But he assures you, god works in mysterious ways. He knows whats best for you. He'll give you the miracle you'll need if you deserve it. He tells you all this, because his dad did. But his dad never told him why amputee's never get a miracle, and neither do aids victims or rabies victims... Well, maybe rabies. But thats rare. My father? Incredibly intelligent, published works, luncheons with reputable authors, two phds, the whole nineyards. He's a diehard catholic. I respect the man to the utmost degree, but it blows my mind how different it is growing up in the information age. I had people who had no identity, and no fear of opening their mind, tell me about their beliefs. I spoke anonymously to hundreds of people in my life online through various games or forums, and got to really see how right we had it. The Children of Information. Because our fathers didn't get that, they got paid broadcasting, and the ones before that, paid gazettes or what have you. But this is the first time people can really see what we're all really thinking about. Mapping the human experience, finding out what makes us human. Finding out how trillions of living colonies can group together in such a complex manner, that it can support free moving, real time reactions and interactions with the world around it. How we evolved into growing organs to support more complex organs, and another brain to complement our other brain. Brewing saliva, semen, blood, pus, and god(heh.) knows what else for future and immediate use. And how our conciousness relates to that amazing biosphere of a machine. I cannot tell you how out of breath I get when I think about how we can change the world. Together, just be teaching and leanring as anonymous does. By questioning what we haven't questioned, and taking nobodys word on faith. The true beauty of an anonymous group, in my ever so humble opinion.

Think of our consciousness as a big, unusually curious momma bear. And our bodies are the cubs. We have an entire world that we are protecting. Not one kind of cub, but hundreds of different species have banded together to unite and form this trillion strong writhing mass of flesh... But cuter. We, the guardians, must watch over our cubs, until they can finish jettisoning seed colonies into other universes, taking a strong hold over it's core planets, and used its resources to build another version of it's old universes. (its a sexual reference).

So every time you scrape your knee, appreciate the myriad of functions and operations your body and subconscious mind begin to fire off in a blazing flurry. Think Chun-Li's kicks in the popular SNES game, Street Fighter. Then realize for all the ability we have to think and command our body, tis functionally retarded in comparison.

image courtesy of
This should clear things up, if you're hazy up until here.

I can't believe in God, because I am God.
And I have no idea what I'm doing, or how I got here.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Charming Tips and Well Water

My Friends,

Another long one, I know my friends. But you have the guarantee of a man with no reputation or identity... Not only will you find this article fascinating, but that you will also now see the world in a whole new light. I'll keep my thoughts short to preserve your patience. The ability we have to teach ourselves is breathtaking. Not to mention all the key elements of rhetoric, charisma, charming, politeness, smiling, dressing well, brainwashing, and other forms of the word 'manipulation'. Our subconscious mind is like a Hard Drive, or a well. The Conscious mind is more like the CPU, or an overly complicated series of buckets with which to dip into the well. You see where I'm going with this analogy, I trust. When we first see somebody, or introduce ourselves or somebody else, we enter a new object into the Hard Drive. And later, the intricately designed and finely tuned bucket apparatus dips into the RAM, sifting out what it needs using the I'm Feeling Lucky button  for every category it needs water from. What the person was like, what you thought about their stance and personality, and a million other questions you need an answer for at that 3 second juncture, and forms it into thoughts. Which we pour into a supersoaker (our mouths) and spray down bitches. on the beach with shards of crushed copper, silicon, and plastic. 
Image courtesy of BBC News

I feel the analogy fell apart somewhat, but I'm think that dumbs it down enough for all you tl:dr types. If you don't use the internet often, because your from Croatia (yeah, i saw the usage statistics... I know you're out there.). tl;dr is not an anagram about transexuals, lesbians, bondage or discipline. All of the above were said in a loving, non-pornographic, family-like tone of voice, AdSense. Please don't leave me.

Spreading the knowledge, one view at a time.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Google Rothschild

Go ahead, see what the top 5 links are.

Recently, I saw a movie by the name of Zeitgeist. For the record, it's a terribly produced film with terribly sound effects and choices of 15 minute long strobe effect sound shows. It was not, in any good way, a movie. With that being said, the information in the 'movie' sent my mind racing. Alot of the stuff I already knew, or heard of, or even studied intently. But the family name tied to the various failed cover ups we always hear about in the news, Rothschild... This was all new to me. So I studied, and searched, and made my own ties and connections trying so very hard not to get sucked into the conspiracy theorist stereotype. I'm pretty sure I failed at some points, but I feel I maintained a level of neutrality through the mind surfing event.

Google WTC Support Beams
Google Rothschild Central Banking for an especially scary look at the most commonly known pages about this family's business empire.
In fact... Replace Central Banking with any of these following substitutes in Google.

All of these so far were my favorite, but to be fair, you can also try listing any mass media company as well. In the Amero section, they mention 'many of you have heard of the Amero...'. I bet not one of you has, admit it. Countries sent my heart sinking pretty deep. I've heard alot of people ask why a war would be staged... There that is.

A buzz word is a word that politicians, lawyers, lobbyists etc... use often as a tactic to sway others against something, and therefore siding with him/herself. Right Wing. Activist. Nut. Conspiracy Theorist. Bleeding Heart. Zealot. All these send immediate signals to most of our brains that the word used, in that language and setting, marks the other person's opinions as less valuable. Whether we like it or not, we are slaves to the way our brain processes information. The only true weapon against such subversive tactics being of course, knowledge. Knowledge is power.

So basically, the gist of all these Conspiracy Theorist websites, blogs, youtube videos, suicide notes, etc... is a  German Jewish family created this 'financial dynasty' way back in the 1700s. When banks ran sorta like mafia families, and thus towns were run like you voted the Godfather into office. But the worlds a big place, and they spread out. Competition arises and falls, and they spread and grow like any good capitalist would out there. They hooked up with hitler and mastered the art of rhetoric, pretty fascinating stuff if you look for it.  The war went to shit, but the dynasty now had another area under its financial grasp. A few areas, apparently, what with the conquering and all. So the world evolves, and mass media is born. Peoples opinions can now be sorted by popularity, and the secrets of the brain are slowly unlocked.

Go ahead and wiki how the subconscious brain and the conscious brain interact, it'll unlock so much in your life if you actually know how -you- work. Write that down.

So now were in america, and the great depression happens, and people sell all their shares and money in panic for fifty cents on the dollar. I dare you to google who took in alot of that. I'll even give you a minute. - mass media really takes over, and personalities begin to take shape of popular media icons. Fads don't change, they keep moving. Now we own somebody else's clothing, that hes never seen. We make the same jokes, across the nation, and internationally. Whether you like it or not, the media has shaped us since childhood, even if by proxy. And the people who pay for all of that, the people we pay to use their money to pay them with for earning money... Rothschild. They literally own the money and corporations of the majority of the world, and two more were just added to their list after the Iraq war.

So... This upsets me. Not only is a family slowly buying our world from us, and telling us what to think with people we'll never meet on tv, who do nothing but lie for a living (no offense actors, you use it for love... like a poet, or storyteller) We listen about problems that dont exist in their thought up lives, and we actually find ourselves expecting situations to turn out like that. Not only all of that... But its the most well known thing about their family. Their buying the president office, and starting wars, and toppling governments left and right with only 5 left to go... Those are their most well known traits on Google. And I find google search to be a fascinating view on what people are thinking about enough to search for.

This upsets me because despite everybody knowing this sort of tomfoolery on their part, and i use that term sternly, nobody indites, punishes, or move to halt it's advance. It in fact, has consumed my inner most thoughts for some time now. I wanted to shake people awake, start guerilla marketing cells across the nation getting this knowledge out there... Despite it already being known. I wanted to stand on the Hollywood hills with a sword raised to the sky, and lead my good, intelligent people to a fantastical adventure that would eventually culminate in victory, and shortly after cake.

But, as you can guess, there was no cake. I hear alot of talk of taking over the world and all. And mind you, it does seem to be heading that way. But this all relies on us accepting their rule and money. People as I know them wouldn't let another tyrant rule and control us, they'd have to allow for us to demand for change to happen. So even if we do end up being owned, as most of you probably are depending on the country, we'd still get a government were we have a say. Though their rather free use of mass violence, conspiracies, brianwashing, and the like sort of concerned me. Yes, so I went just a step further. I went ahead and did my research on the human brain, and it was beginning to look bad... Here's an example.

5 monkeys are placed in a cage. On the ceiling is a banana on a stirng, in the center. Below it is a step ladder. Eventually, one of the smarter monkeys gets on the ladder and goes for the banana. But instead of the much desired potassium boost, it activates instead hard jets of almost-freezing water on every OTHER monkey. And then he gets the banana. But when they venture to do it again, all of the monkeys jump on the adventuring monkey... and beat him like anything-goes whore. Well, they take a monkey out, and replace it with a 'new' monkey. This monkey inevitably wants the banana, in fact, they all wanted the banana. Its what monkeys fucking want. But only this new guy doesn't know any better, and decides to just take it. Well, they all beat him down, including the one who was just beaten. He apparently beats harder, and laughs alot. They all start to treat this as a game as more monkeys are taken out, until no monkeys are left who were around for the water spraying.

The beat and laugh at a monkey for wanting the banana, because thats how shit has always been.

But I digress... This whole thing made me think alot. I know, with what I've seen, people won't make anyhting easy, and it's looked like people would own the world before. The other billions of people simply don't like it.  But with knowing how we work, and how much -I've- been shaped by media now that im noticing it, im just not sure we can afford to play this waiting game for much longer. We're losing the minds of our soldiers with radio songs everybody just has to know, to the gucci handbag thats simply too good to not drop a thousand bucks to hold your lipstick effectively. Were losing our comrades in africa to gold and diamonds and rubber and ivory. Were losing our brothers, and sister to this just... silly debate about religion, over whose invisible friend is more believable. I'm sure the nomads had a much better understanding of the universe, I'm sure we know is a tiny portion of what we don't know. And that small of a difference doesn't deserve splitting people up in bitter disagreement.

And thats our weapon, mates. We continue to be the kind of people that would help somebody just because your nearby. The kind of people who don't push people down to be higher, but rather lifts them up, so they might rise together. One race, one beautiful, growing race of people. Discovering more and more about our tiny mote of dust we live on, and the ray of light it floats in. The kind of people that you might like to be around.

So learn, evolve, fight the power with your mind, and the power to inspire others. Rise up and revolt against boundaries, rebel against fashions, oppose the importance of material possessions, become what analysts hate the most... A free thinker.

Good day my friends, if you made it this far please leave some of your own thoughts and ideas. Spread the knowledge, we have a wealth of it these days.

Long Live the Revolution, Mates.

New Energy... Thoughts?

I've always been fascinated by the new surge of energies coming forth. I've heard everything from wireless magnetics to kinetic transference. What does this mean for our future?

I don't know about you, but is my favorite resource for your daily mind blowing revelations. I highly suggest you check it out.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

The Life of Kane

My name isn't Janus Kane.

I thought I'd share that with you, before I share life as I know it. I'm an anonymous man with a thirst or adventure. Leading me to many astounding and wondrous things. And sometimes, I am stirred by something so deeply, I have to share it. I'm telling you all this, because I think you all could say the same. I think everyone of you has so many stories, and so many things to say. And for the first time in our civilization's great history, all of human kind are connected, learning, and talking. We are born into a unique period of time, but its a changing time... We aren't in the future yet. But with the help of the smart, like minded people talking, teaching, and helping those around them... Fuck, we could really change the world, couldn't we?

So post some comments, share your thoughts, ask those questions you never thought you'd get an honest answer from. Maybe somebody here can answer it for you. And maybe you could solve somebody else's problem... It seems so easy in theory. Let's roll the dice mates, I'll be updating this site with anything I find inspiring or mindblowing. We'll see, in the future. See you there.